When saying “yes” to something, ask yourself whether it is true to the life you want, or is in response to the expectations of others.Īs a recovering people pleaser, I have spent most of my life doing what was expected of me. Themes began to emerge as to what they regretted most as they came to grips with their mortality, which can serve as a roadmap for how we choose to live our dash.ġ. Ware’s experience as a palliative care nurse meant that she was with people during the last weeks of their lives. And one of the most famous roadmaps for avoiding regrets at the end of your life comes from Australian palliative nurse Bronnie Ware.īronnie Ware originally published “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying” on her blog in 2009 and then published a book on the same topic. So while building a life around avoiding end-of-life regrets may seem unorthodox, it is a path worth examining. In their research on regret, Thomas Gilovich and Victoria Husted Medvec found that “ people’s biggest regrets tend to involve things they have failed to do in their lives… Actions cause more pain in the short-term, but inactions are regretted more in the long run.” Individual decisions over a lifetime – that is our dash. Our decisions have consequences, and sometimes we miss an opportunity to spend our time in alignment with what we say is important to us. When it comes to how we are spending our time, we know that when we say yes to something, we say no to something else. Regret is related to perceived opportunity. The emotion of wishing one had made a different decision in the past, because the consequences of the decision were unfavorable. The Wikipedia definition of regret provides an interesting nuance: The definition of regret includes experiencing mourning, sorrow, and disappointment. We don’t often like to think in terms of regrets, probably because the feeling of regret is unpleasant. Striving to live a more intentional life may include being more mindful of our actions, creating healthy habits, and eliminating what we no longer need to make room for the life we want. Luckily I’m in good health, but my grandmother’s death and my recent birthday have caused me to pose this question: if I died today, would I be happy with how I’m living my dash, or would I have any regrets? Does my day-to-day life actually align with the values I say are important to me? Even though I’m almost seven years into my minimalism journey, I still have work to do in this area for sure. But we can control how we “live our dash” – and my grandmother lived hers to the fullest.īirthdays are a good time to reflect on how we are “living our dash”. It was her body that eventually gave out. In the end, her mind was still as sharp as ever. Like all of us, my grandmother couldn’t control the dates on her tombstone. What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash. He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.įor that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.įor it matters not, how much we own, the cars… the house… the cash. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning… to the end. I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

I am reminded of a poem that I am planning to have read at my own funeral called The Dash by Linda Ellis. But through it all, my grandmother stayed true to her faith, her values, and her family until her last days on earth. The things that changed in her 102 years on earth are mind-boggling.

As I wrote the poem that I recited at her funeral, I was in awe at what a full, amazing life she lived. What is important about a person’s life? The numbers, the material possessions… or something more… A reflection for a Friday afternoon.My grandmother passed away on September 8, one week before my 41st birthday. My sister shared this poem with me many years ago as a powerful reflection on life.

Linda ellis the dash poem